Interview with Hellfire
King: Welcome to the King's Kourt.
Hellfire: Let's get this over with.
King: Not much is known about your background Hellfire, where do you come from?
Hellfire: I have risen from the bowels of Hell known as central Wisconsin, Plainfield to exact. I lived there my entire life, and still do. The strange thing about that is those back-water rednecks, the same one's who murdered my mother. They'll come around my home and pretend like it never happened. "Oh can I get an autograph for little Suzie Jane?" They're all hypocrates, every last one of them. Sure, I'll give Suzie an autograph, if I can tell her how her father and this entire town turned me into a monster!
King: Interesting... Who taught you to wrestle?
Hellfire: Mostly I taught myself, though I did have some help. I wrestled in a
couple Chicago indie feds before coming to the XIWA.
King: And why the mask when you wrestle?
Hellfire: Honestly the left side of my body is scared to Hell, I can't feel anything on that side. All the nerves are dead. But the main reason is intimidation. It's also the reason I don't make a sound in the ring. You put someone in, let's say a Boston crab and he's going to scream. I won't, I've taught myself not to. It may hurt like Hell but my opponent will never know. If they can't see your facial expressions, or get an audiable reaction, it screws with their head and scares them. It's not only ring psychology, it's also basic human psychology.
King: Where did you get the nice "Puppy" escort in Kill Kill Beast?
Hellfire: If you call her puppy one more time I WILL break your jaw. I met her a few years ago, in Plainfield. She's the one who pushed me to begin wrestling. Which seemed like an obvious choice.
King: What brought you to the XIWA?
Hellfire: I got sick of the last fed I was in, the owner felt I was too evil, and ruthless. So when I decided to leave there I heard about the XIWA.
King: What are your plans in the XIWA?
Hellfire: Basiclly the same as everyones. To become the XIWA World Champion. If that's not your ultimate goal you shouldn't be in this business. Though for right now I am focused on the obtaining the IC title.
King: Who are the best wrestlers in the XIWA, excluding yourself?
Hellfire: Honestly I knew the second I got DQ'ed from the Championship tournament that Shotgun was going to become champ. I have some respect for Shawn. I think it's somewhat infantial for certain people, who have nothing better to do than make a running gag out of our current champ. Besides Shotgun there's Heltah, He's an impressive young man, who I've been watching very closely as of late. He has the same take no prisoners attitude as I do.
King: Which wrestlers should have their contracts in the XIWA taken away?
Hellfire: I'll tell you right now, that pathetic F##K Midnight Rider, or as I call him Kitt. Though everyone else rightly names, Midnight Crier. I've never heard someone whine, piss, bitch, and moan as much as this guy. He whines about everything, even if it has nothing to do with him. If I was Eric... well, he better be damn glad I'm not.
King: Who would be your dream opponent?
Hellfire: My dream opponent would have to be, without a doubt Andre the Giant.
King: Anything you would like the fans to know about you?
Hellfire: I'm not here to have fans, if people enjoy what I do great. If they don't, they know where they can go. I'm in this business for me, and for my own personal gratification.
King: Any final comments?
Hellfire: Where's the free food, I heard there was food around here.
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The King's Komments
Assault's sophomore effort surpassed even the first great showing! Once again, the King showed his brilliance on most of his predictions! I predicted Taco-boy over Rhyno-boy, yes. Stiffman and Heather Skeleton over the Overfaker and Midfight Crier, yes. Braka-my-leg over Prodi-gay, yes. And last but not least, Hasha over Hellfire, YES! 4 for 4! Not a bad day at the office! The ONLY things lacking THAT night were puppies! Have I mentioned I LOVE puppies? Ha ha!
The ThunderDome PPV will go down in the XIWA history books as one of monumental proportions! The King fared a little worse in these predictions, but hey, it's good to be da King! Ha ha! I predicted Stiffman over Midfight Crier, no, but with those 2, who cares? Next came the IC battle royal. Who could have guessed that the 2 worthy contenders were MIA, and that chump Way-2-Gay would win the coveted IC strap. Another no for the King. Already 0 and 2 and the night was JUST beginning! Heather Skeleton over the Overfaker, well, Taker felt a little batting practice, so we'll just say the King got this one right! Ha ha! Big Poppa Pump over Braka, oh no, another one wrong! Well, doesn't really matter, condidering Braka had the snot knocked out of him! Too bad for Vicki the Pixie, I heard rumors that Big Poppa Pump had a night of fun, pain and games in store for the Pixie! Last, but not least, a little redemption. WAIT! Scratch that. A BIG redemption, Hasha over Shawna, YES YES YES! Be sure to give a WARM standing O to our new XIWA World Heavyweight Champion, Hasha Koroshavingcream! The Assassin lives! Gone are the days of the cardboard chumpion! Ha ha!
Well, let's see if the King can keep up the good old winning steak of predictions on Assault matches! First match of the night pits Hasha pummelled Prodi-gay against XIWA newcomer, The Rock. Prodi-gay is caught between a Rock and a hard mat in this match. Although Prod-gay is 0-2, I see the Rock being cracked open and exposed as the jobber he is. Prodi-gay in 10. Justin the Tri-cycle squares off against "Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels. Well, this is ALSO a debut match for the Fallen Angel. I know that the Tri-cycle was running on 2 wheels last match, and the Fallen Angel being a wild card wrestler with no previous XIWA matches, we'll give this one to the Angel. Watch out Tri-cycle, after this match, you'll have one more wheel to blow. Arriba versus the Stiffman Randall. Tacos or bad wrestling? Hmmm... I wonder. Eenie, meenie, minie, MOE! Looks like the Stiffman will have his fill of tacos at Assault. Arriba with El Muerto Loco. Stiffman tapping out faster than Jarrett would against Hunter! Ha ha! Hunter, a suggestion... PUPPIES! Everyone LOVES puppies! Oh, back to the predictions. Main event time. This looks to be the yawn of the night, is Murder Hasha Wrote on CBS? Anyways, Braka-my-leg stumbles off against Hellfire. Hellfire needs his head checked after coming up MIA at ThunderDome for his shot at the IC strap. One more MIA from him and he'll have a SURE lock on the Jobber of the Month award! Ha ha! This will be a battle of the stiffs, as each ambles his way to yawn after stretch after yawn. In the end, I see Braka unfortunately standing, rather limping in victory.
Carnage is back after a week off for the PPV. And WHAT a card we have in store for us! Leading off is the Stiffman versus Triple Preparation H. Does this match sound like the first scene of a "Debbie Does" movie or what? Ha ha! You're gonna see more jobber wrestling in this one. With the backing of the reformed 4 Hosemen, you'll see the Stiffman hose his opponent in victory. Elizabeth "The Gator" Layton with an inter-gender match versus Justin "Tri-Cycle" Lee. This COULD possibly be the Tri-cycle's last wheel exploding under the weight of Gator's fierce no-holds barred wrestling. Watch out for those legs Tri-cycle, I hear she's crushed many a man between them. Gator with one HELL of a bite on the deflated Tri-cycle. Time to find a new profession Tri-cycle, how about a job as a punching bag? Ha ha! Hellfire against Rhyno. Rhyno-boy, do you believe in God? Be prepared to get sent to Hell, because Hellfire's gonna want a little retribution for his current loss streak, and you are going to be a skidmark in his shorts if you aren't careful. Hellfire with the most thunderous victory this side of Hades. "Tha Gambino" Marc Styles set up to face The Rock. Tha Gambino is another wild card, and after his buddy Podi-gay polishes off the Rock at Assault, Tha Gambino will have the easieest match of his career. Welcome to the XIWA Gambino, and welcome to your first win. Prodigy looking for more revenge and rank climbing in a main event versus Heather Skeleton. This will be an all out classic brawl. The skeletons will come out of the closet as Heather joins the Rock as a "W" in Prodi-gay's win column. Prodi-gay in 10, if not sooner. All the praying with the Ministry isn't going to help Heather survive the beating of his life.
More and more surprises in-store for the XIWA fans and fanatics alike! The appearance of the legendary "El Conquistador" Carlos Harrazane in the XIWA is a definite surprize. One has to admit that Hasha knows what he is doing by soliciting the services of this famous luchador. Poor poor Chosen One. I hate to admit, but Jarrett had his ass HANDED to him by XIWA's toughest chicks, Hunter and Gator. Lucky for Braka that they took him out, or the Pixie would be spending the night in Big Poppa Pump-land. The Nature Boy has made his way to the XIWA. The 4 Hosemen ride, or should I say wheelchair again. The average age of a 4 Hoseman is 65. Isn't that retirement age Ric? Dojo Mundo appears and it looks like Hasha, Arriba and Carlos are scouting a few prospects for membership. More details to come. If you all remember the beating Hasha gave Todd "Babyface" Horton a few weeks ago, well, it has ended up pretty bad. Horton wet his pants and has been put in the hospital with broken ribs and a slipped disc. We won't be seeing the Baby for awhile. A great superstar is making his XIWA wrestling debut in a few weeks, and you WON'T believe your eyes and ears when you see him. My lips are sealed, for now, but I'm busting at the seams on this one!
Stay tuned to Monday Night Carnage with myself and Michael Cole, and to XIWA Assault on Thursdays with The Professor, Mike Tenay and my good friend The Living Legend, Larry Zbyszko.
This is the King, Jerry Lawler signing off. Keep watching the best wrestling organization going, XIWA! See you on the other side of the ropes!
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XIWA Power Poll
[ this week's rank ] - ( last week's rank ) - "wrestler"
[01] (02) "The Japanese Assassin" Hasha Koroshiya [World Heavyweight Champion] (3-1)
[02] (01) "Shotgun" Shawn Maverick (3-2)
[03] (05) Draka (3-3)
[04] (06) Helltah Skeltah (2-1)
[05] (03) Hellfire (3-3)
[06] (08) "The Latin Lover" Arriba Harrazane (2-1)
[07] (04) "The Chosen One" Jeff Jarrett (2-2)
[08] (11) "Y2J" Chris Jericho [Intercontinental Champion] (2-1)
[09] (09) "Triple H" Hunter Hearst Helmsley (1-1)
[10] (07) L.J. "The Hitman" Randall (2-3)
[11] (12) Justin "D.Cycle" Lee (1-1)
[12] (10) The Midnight Rider (2-3)
[13] (13) The Undertaker (1-4)
[14] (16) "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner (0-1)
[15] (15) Prodigy (0-2)
[16] (14) Rhyno (0-3)
[17] (17) "The Rock" Rocky Maivia (0-0)
[18] (18) Mike Extreme (0-0)
[19] (19) "Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels (0-0)
[20] (XX) "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair (0-0)
[21] (XX) "Tha Gambino" Marc Styles (0-0)
[22] (XX) ? (0-0)
[23] (XX) ? (0-0)
[24] (XX) ? (0-0)
[25] (XX) ? (0-0)
* Note: Non-RPed matches count as a loss *
** Also: Power Poll rankings are based upon
W-L records and strength of opponents **
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